*how it became*

I started this cause I needed this. Cause I didn't have anything like this when I was coming out. and I kinda felt like we were against ourselves. I didn't dig it. so I decided when I was honest enough with myself. I would do what I could to make sure lil baby butches didn't have to grow up wishing they were something different. something easier. something that didn't make everyone ask me about, me and men and me and dresses, and me and marriage, it's weird feeling like you aren't a boy, but you aren't a girl, you want to be an old woman oneday, after you become a man. huh?

it's a mix of wanting respect as a masculine woman. it's not about heavy lifting or who gets the most pussy. but men seem to make it that way. women have the strength of perspective when it comes to emotional analysis. translated. as a woman we feel shit differently. but how does a butch woman feel. with the added adopted masculine dogma of not wanting to feel weak. we paint ourselves into these corners. when confronted with the discrepancy. and we still can't figure out why it is the way it is. it just is.

we are true enigmas. there are still very masculine women who. don't call themselves butch. who don't date women. who just are. There are lots of you out there who can't come to grips with the two spirits fighting for recognition. Fighting for respect. Fighting for love. It's fucked up but the need for the dichtomous relationship between butch and femme isn't strong because it's based on opposition. on differences. it's strong because it's based on acceptance. a person. a woman (for those butch lesbians out there) who. loves you for the person you are. who dosen't wish you'd wear this. talk this way. fuck this way. cum this way. act this way. be. you know truly be. someone you aren't. Because the someone you are is exactly. Exactly what they want.

it's like buying an irregular fit. and it fits. perfectly.

I love ya'll like the brothers I never had. I love y'all like the sisters I'll never have. It's real and it's for you. youngins and old heads alike. I have a lot to learn. and a lot to unlearn.

So to this end. What sort of doctrines of honor should a very different brotherhood have.

Should we talk about women. and the drama that comes up when we feel our relationship is threatened.

Should we talk about conflict, gossip, chismosa, ego and how we are going to behave differently in order to perserve the bonds of the butch caucus.

Should we talk about bitches that choose others and the butches that would have a disloyal woman.

Should we talk about the repercussions of disloyalty. From the perspective of the wronged and the wrong doer. What does forgiveness look like? Sacrifice. What is penance. Who decides that.

I'd like the counsel of the butch caucus to help mediate problems.

Still thinking on this stuff. Leave me your suggestions. Please. And if you want to be a part of The Butch Caucus send me your info.

AIM Screen Name:
City: Heritage:
Martial Stats:
Celebrity Soul Mate:
Butch Level: Describe your masculinity in your words.
Kind of Music you dig:

I'm making a directory. These cats will be notified when there are major questions need to be answered. These cats will move the conversation. These cats will force the issue.

1. Respect yourself.



bug said...

such beautiful, amazing writing

Nayyirah said...

I think you are a gifted and natural writer. Again, I think this a dope way to begin to deconstruct the walls that our community has acquired/created.
It's like building a butch sister circle. It is revolutionary, it is necessary, and it is critical thinking - beautifully done.

Much Love,