The Trouble with Kayaking

So I wanna Kayak huh.

Peace Butch Princes. I got a comment the other day on this blog. About the "Sir Issue" You know, you're standing there minding your buisness up in the Pathmark. Chilling out waiting in line. You get to the end and she asks you - Paper or Plastic sir. Didn't you see them Pads?!!

Sheesh. I know T.M.I. but I get a little indignant when misidentified. but there are sometimes when I just go with the flow. (so to speak)

so this summer I got into kayaking biiiiiiiiig into kayaking. So much so that my current lover and I took a special beginners class to learn some of the tricks of the trade. Oh did I mention her mom was along for the trip ? We arrive after a bit of being lost - looking for the marina.

*lil note* Kayaking is not a sport I knew or participated in growing up. I grew up in a city and the country but no where near anyone who had acess to a kayak. so I was tweeked. did I mention I can't swim. hehehehehe.


So we get there and theres this short blond dude in his early 40's. He dosen't look like the world champion kayaker i thought would be teaching the class or the sporty uber crunchy granola dyke that I had hoped would be teaching the course. He looks like he shouldn't be in the water at all. With that gut.

Here we are 3 women and that's it. I thought there were gonna be more folks. Nope just me, mujer, and her mom. ha. So as we are puttting on the necessary gear and i start to notice. The instructor keeps calling me buddy and pal. I starting thinking hmmm...maybe he forgot my name.

So we set out on the water. Kayaking can be done in 3 types of kayaks a.) recreational kayak and b.) sea kayaks c.) white water kayaks. We were in a sea kayak....kayaking near boats and shit. It was serious.

So we going down a creek and we get to this beautiful waterfall. The instructor announced that the water was deeper here and we would be practicing wet exits before we docked and ate lunch.

WET EXITS. When you practice getting out of a kayak. A kayak that has turned over upside down in the water. Yea some scary shit.

So being the Gangsta that I am. I went first. cause I didn't want an audience and because I was shook enough to want to get it over fast. FAST ! So I purposely capsized my kayak. bang on the hull. and release myself in to the warm creek water. I rose very fast thanks to my lifevest and something I'd like to call the death thrash. Gasping for air I broke the surface to looks of approval from my lover, her mother, and the instructor. In my mind. I was saying shit. shit. shit. but it was over and I was all good. I watched as both my lover and her mother exited into the water. I was in charge of pulling all the kayaks over and tying them together.

We broke out the lunches my lovers mother had made for us and made small talk with the instructor. This is when the instructor said something that would change the trip for me. The entire lesson. It went a lil something like this.


Instructor: "You guys are doing good. Women are better students because they listen more. The take instruction better. Guys are usually more obstinant more eager to prove that they can do it. They don't listen they just try to muscle through it."

He then looks at me and says: "Don't worry you're doing okay pal."


I looked at my lover and did the lil raised eyebrow thing. To see if she just heard what I heard. I was a lil uncomfortable in my lifevest but i dared not take it off. remove it. To revel the size "dumb large" breasts that I swore he saw. I mean, that's all there is really besides my obvious maturity I lack the facial hair to be a man. But he probably thought I was a boy. A chubby boy with man breasts. fucker.

What do you do though ? What do you say. Excuse me sir. I'm a ma'am? I was kayaking near boats, in god knows how many feet of deep water. This ignorant gentleman was my lifeline. I didn't want him to think twice about saving my life. I didn't want him to have any problem - ethical or otherwise about helping me in a crisis on the water. It was a little odd with her mother there actively ignoring what was said/ At one point denying that he said it.

I didn't say shit. i didn't take my life vest off to reveal my breasts until the very end when I was on solid ground. It was more about survival than being political.

and sometimes that's just the way it is.