Size Matters

What's a little me on top gon' hurt?
Maybe a little but
Pain is pleasure and pressure bust pipes
And you look like the 'I Like It Rough' type
We can crush tonight
Tell me what you like

- Best of Me [Jay-Z & Mya]

The worst word you can ever hear during sex is "Ouch". Now, don't get me twisted, there is some good pain to be had. Bites, passion marks, hair pulling, scratching, wrestling, and I've heard some women say they like when it's tight in the beginning and they work it out.

One can never really know if their size will be amicable to their lover. However the good thing about lesbian women is:

#1 We stay Hard and

#2 We can always find a size that will fit.

No one should ever suffer during sex.
What am I talking about here ? Dick Size. Penis envy aside, y'all know I only write about this stuff cause I've gone through it. So while shopping for a smaller dick. I came across some cool information. I have reposted the links at the bottom.

Misconceptions or a Butch Finds her Strap

As I was coming into my butch identity, I had previously only done the following: tribidism [rubbing pussis], cunnilingus [eating pussi], and finger popping [ hands on/in the pussi].

I remember being at some woman's party with my then girlfriend and sitting around talking with other couples. Some of them were butch, some of them were femme and at the time all of them had 5-10 years of fucking under their respective belts. I was the baby of the group and oh boy was it about to show.
So we're sitting around talking about sex and the subject of strap-on's comes up and each couple expresses her amazement at how good it feels. I, being super naive, said " I don't like anything between my woman and I, I don't like dildos they feel unnatural, Can you feel that shit anyway?"

Wow. If I had known I would have shut up, but how else was I gonna learn. I know now...or at least it's in my opinion that the best way to have a mutual earth moving orgasm is by using a strap and digging your woman out slow and wet. hehe.

So...back to the ouch. My favorite dildo in the entire world is the Doc Johnson Realistic Cock 8 inch. They are not indestructible, I have had one very strong and rhythmic partner break at least two of these. However, my reasons for loving this dildo are simple. It's looks like a big black dick and given my genetics and my personal aesthetics I just don't feel right drilling my lady with a dolphin, a fairy, or a tie dyed dildo. It would freak me out. They come in Black, Mulatto, and White boy [or Flesh as they call it].

What I didn't realize when I bought big daddy 8 inch was the diameter and dearest Caucus here is where we must pay attention. Not to the only length but to the diameter. Look at the difference between the 6 inch dildo diameter and the 8 inch dildo. This may be the difference between mmm right there daddy and ow stop.

[Please believe me, there are women who can take larger ones, this is just an example. ]

Curious about how deep a woman's vagina is anyway I did a little research online. Check out the in depth [pun intended] answer I borrowed from Columbia University's Health Services Q and A page:

Dear Alice,

I was wondering about the depth of the vagina. I've read statistics that say that the average vagina is only 3 to 4 inches deep. This seems way too small to me, since the average penis is considerably longer than that. Wouldn't that mean that most penises would crash into the cervix repeatedly during intercourse? Since this obviously doesn't happen, my question is this: does the vagina actually elongate during intercourse to accommodate the entire length of the average penis?

Dear Reader,

Yes, just as the vagina has the capacity to expand, allowing for the passage of a baby during childbirth, the vagina also has the ability to elongate during intercourse to accommodate a penis. As you mentioned, for some women, the depth from the vaginal opening to the tip of the cervix is 3 to 4 inches when they are not sexually aroused. Other women may have a vaginal depth of five to seven inches. Regardless, during arousal, blood flows to the genital area, and sexual excitement causes the upper two-thirds of the vagina to lengthen by forcing the cervix and uterus to ascend. The vagina also lubricates to help ease penetration.
Some people think that the vaginal canal is a continuously open space. However, this is a misperception. Think of the vaginal canal as if it were a balloon that is not filled with any air. The walls, which have the potential to expand and elongate, gently touch one another. When something is placed inside, they mold around the width and accommodate the length of a penis, tampon, finger(s), or sex toy.

Sometimes during penetration, a penis or other object inserted in a vagina does hit the cervix. This may be an indication that the woman is not physiologically aroused enough; when she is more aroused, her vagina will elongate and her cervix, the neck of the uterus, will lift up and move out of the way. Other times, contact with the cervix can happen if a penis is larger than average or if the thrusting is too deep. Communicating with a partner about the discomfort — "Ouch, that's a little too deep" — and changing sexual positions may be helpful.

Thanks Alice!

Here are the reposts/links I promised:

How to buy a Dildo.
How to use a Strap On.

Happy Crushing, Taggin, Baggin, Bangin, Hittin, Cutting, al

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Please remember to practice safe sex. You don't want to have that hard conversation before sex disclosing your STD do you. Okay, I thought so.


Anonymous said...

Good article. Is this what you were working on? You so smart.....Karla

Peri said...

Definitely a topic worth addressing. As a femme and a frequent "accommodator of the dick", it's good to alert other women (mostly butches from my experience), that the more you pack isn't synonymous with being a "bigger man". Slow, and sensual is the key. After all you trying to f*@k me, not f*@k me up! Hope the women reading this reap some knowledge!

Question for the Caucus or any butches out there:

Do you like using a strap on or do you prefer it using you? I mean...would you mind your lady giving you a little every now and then? I'm asking because my exes (all butches) weren't really into me doing them, and I didn't stress the issue cause I liked the "dick", but I've always wanted to try it out...wondering if I should even go there...

A. Jasper said...

Hey Peri...

I hope I can provide you some insight. Use caution. it's a touchy place. But make sure it's what you want to do to. I know a lot of femme women who would be "turned off" by the notion that their "hubby" likes dick.

Penetration [not with use of a phallus or dildo] on the other hand is another thing. The few women who have been allowed in to a butches sacred space are turned out not only by the act, but the vulnerability that is being shown, and the fact they have something that can turn their butch mates out too. It's a great tool for intimacy but remember the butch psyche is sensitive so no comments like "you were a bitch last night" or "you ain't all hard" are permissible or even fair. You dig? If you can handle that. You might be able to get you some butch pussi.

Personally, I'm not a fan of the "dick" in me. That just me. but I have plenty of faggy stud homies who readily accept the challenge. I'm perfectly satisfied with some head and/or a finger pop and most time head has to come from a champ and or pro. I'm more nervous at a femme's awe of permission than her talent. A lot of masculine women put a lot of space between pleasing you and you pleasing them because it is such a vulnerable place. I've had a woman try and "take" it. That, I promise, you did not end well.

Peri said...

Thanks for the thoughtful response. It clarified alot of things for me. I guess I was thinking that my previous partners liked to be popped, so I naturally assumed that they would just like it if I used a strap on...similar thing, but clearly as you so kindly elucidated, it's not the same thing (finger(s) doesn't equal dildo). I was coming from a place where I though that maybe this would please my woMAN (even though I wasn't really 100% crazy about trying it). Truly said: there is alot of space between a butch pleasing you and you pleasing them, but I think it's that ingrained notion that you have to "take care of yours or be able to hold it down". Wish they knew that our goal is to satisfy you as much as you doing for us. You reminded me that being part of the butchdom isn't only about the clothes, or the swagger, but it's a true psychological state...I am still trying to break it down. But, I can't not love a butch...they got it all. But, I am glad that the caucus has been so open and real. Wish there was a site like this when I was trying to figure shit out!!

Keep up the good work. I will be checking y'all out on the regular.

btw: y'all don't play. Got a response 23 minutes after I made my post! Serious!

teal said...

I’m forwarding this site, this info on to a few people. I so loved reading this post, [re-reading actually]. This post in particular = a big help as I keep learning = my partner and and I had a great discussion out of this post.

See, as one representing the femme persuasion, I finally had my first strap-on experience this year. With a previous g/f, I use to fantasized about ‘her’ strapping on…then I asked [rather begged] for it directly…I was factually told [at the time] that I was not a ‘real’ lesbian – being that I was always obsessing about the strap on.

Then came the time another g/f ask me to strap on and ‘do’ her. I took it to heart OK. Talk about sensitivity, I cried to her not to make me do it. I just could not picture me 'the gurl’ - with a dick. I mean - what’s the world coming too? According to her I ought to be adjustable and ‘just do it.’

End results: we parted - I was left a bit confused and doubtful – but still wanting a partner able and willing to s/o. Today I’m with the most perfect Butch – appreciative of my wanting and willingness to submit - with no danger of my being asked to s/o.

A. Jasper said...

Yay for perfect butches. Thanks for spreading the love. I'm working on some other things to do with the butch caucus. Mentoring is a big part of it. Keep reading. I'll keep writing.

Dark Daughta said...

Thanks for this post. It was good to see the dils just pop up on the screen when I clicked on your site. Beautiful. My reasoning says it's always good to build a supply of tools of different sizes. For every woman you meet who likes penetration, there will be some who like it bigger, some who like it smaller, some who like it curved, some who like it straight (pun not intended), some who like it narrow, some who like a nice big phatty. The more equipment you have, the more options you'll be able to offer. Dils, vibes, plugs... I had one lover who used to come with a little black leather toolkit. :) Whenever she turned up at the door with her kit, I knew that she had come to play. Hee, hee, hee!

A. Jasper said...

Thanks for the love Dark D. I don't know I used to have an arsenal of dils to choose from. Then one by one they got hated on. Too big. Too small. You're not buying a new one for me. I was like dammit. These things are expensive. If I have a steady I like to go dutch on the dil. Perfect size and equally vested.

TheLesbianPodcast said...


Got your Twitter request today and have been digging the blog since. Just wanted to throw in some TLP recommendations we've previously made on our podcast.

Jaques Comfort Style Harness
(Just scroll down til you see it - it doesn't let me post a direct link). This harness is nothing short of A-mazing. It's cloth and velcro - so no buckles digging into your skin and easily washable. The waist band is all elastic so it feels more like gym shorts and less like a harness.

Strap: I agree - the crazy colored ones freak me out - I prefer realistic. So for realistic lovers, we recommend Vixen Creations products, specifically The Lonestar:

It's made of Vixskin which feels like real skin (firm and flexible - you can pack with it, too). The only downside is, I'm not sure if it comes in multiple colors. It would be worth looking into though.


Anonymous said...

yo i use the mullah cause I'm light skinned and i think there the best out my girl really loves it the only vice is some time we have rough sex and we broke the balls off the really don't hold up to more firmer dildos I've used in the past

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